It’s been a while since TMR reported any twitter dorama, so a post on it might well be called a return to form. Commentary after the text dump.
Hat tip to @moronsister, and trigger warning: language.
I watched someone spiral into madness on twitter last night. Pretty entertaining and yet horrifying and embarrassing. More con than pro
dogrunes: how can i get someone to realize they’re obsessed with an mmo and they need to stop playing?
dogrunes: Ahaha, will this shit ever stop
dogrunes: there once was a person who loved me. we were very happy with eachother, for months and months.
dogrunes: one day they got bored, and so we played a game. the other person never stopped, and then they chated on me.
dogrunes: and then they fucking lied and said they got over that person, and then this happened again.
dogrunes: so to you, @luneru: fuck you.
dogrunes: you liying, cheating whore.
dogrunes: @luneru someone like me? take a look in the mirror, you slut. I guess liying to me so many times makes it really easy to lie to your friends
dogrunes: “waah my job is so stressful waah my boyfriend is paranoid because I cheated on him and I’m doing it again waah shower me with compliments”
dogrunes: @ATField_01 If you want the truth, I helped her try to fight an addiction for MONTHS and she just cheated on me.
dogrunes: btw she left me for someone she constantly complained about loooool good going
I thought some people might want to hear my end. I don’t think anyone who’s known me for a long time would say I’m a bad person. I just make some bad decisions. Anyway, let’s get on with this guy I dated for 20 months online, Randall. Some may know him as Dogrunes, or his previous name Deviryuu. That guy who used to RP, and yes despite him “stopping” thanks to me, he still likes/wants to RP. I bet he is RP’ing right now as I speak, that poor 21-year old. He just likes dreaming doesn’t he?
Ok ok, let’s get to our relationship… I started talking to him on MSN in December 2010. He kept telling me he was going into the airforce next year. In the beginning I found his rp’ing quite disturbing but humorous. But when he actually started talking like a real person, I became interested in him. I don’t know if you guys remember, but that whole airforce thing caused quite a drama mess on twitter. There was a group of people who were set on bullying him and trying to prove that he’s lying about it, and nothing more than a creepy rp’ing pedo. His rp’ing was cybering btw, it wasn’t just “in character” type. And he would start it without asking you whether you wanted to or not.
So for whatever reason, I liked him and wanted to help. Because I thought he was a nice person and didn’t deserve all this bullying. I stuck to his side, and believed everything he said. IMO he was telling the truth, but my point is I defended him. I stopped talking to some people because of this.
As time went on, I got to learn about his past and his family. Which is needless to say, a bad upbringing. Of course anyway with a good heart would feel sorry for him. But there was always one thing that bugged me about him, he would never ever ask about me or anything. It was always HIM HIM HIM. This will become very important to know later on. I should of caught onto it then, but I’m stupid.
So he became aware that I liked him, and he said he would ask me out if he wasn’t leaving to the airforce. Yes, remember that sentence well. It was 2011, and it was time for him to go to the airforce. I was sad to see him leave, I would never see him again probably. Couple weeks passed, I found out his father had passed away, his dad had cancer and was in the hospital at the time. Randall knew it was coming soon, it wasn’t unexpected. He was able to leave back home to attend the funeral. He showed me his airforce ID and his bald head, I really don’t think he was lying about the airforce as much as people tried to prove… Anyway, after that week he was off for family reasons, he had to go back the airforce. Again, I was torn to see him leave.
Another few weeks passed, and he said he was coming home. He got a leave from the airforce for medical reasons, he said he was so depressed and not eating, he was seeing the psychologist there. He came home, and his family wasn’t impressed, they immediately didn’t support this and treated him like shit as usual. I still tried to comfort him through this time, I felt bad he went through all that and his family just made it worse.
There was a lot of drama still on twitter, but he still managed to pull through it. It was almost time for AX I believe. I don’t remember how, but he got a ticket to the Miku concert even. He went to AX I guess to clear his mind. He told me I was the first person to message him when he got off the plane, just remember that.
Anyway, he bought a maid dress and stuff to wear there. Made his “meguca” outfit, that persona he was so proud of later. He continued to message me on msn about what was going on briefly. I was glad he was having fun and stuff. Until he told me he was going to “anime-singled out”. Basically a place to meet other otaku to date. That was when I lost it, I couldn’t believe he just did that. All those months of me supporting him and kinda “hoping” were all gone. I really got mad at him, and didn’t want to talk to him anymore. I felt like a total idiot for supporting this selfish person. Did I mention 90% of his convos are about him? Yeah, that’s how they usually are.
Next day or so, I think he caught on that I actually really liked him, well GEEZ how would you guess that. He asked me out finally, and I agreed to date him. I was so happy at that time, if only I knew what was coming…
The few months were amazing, we got along so well. Oh yeah, when he asked me out, he FINALLY started following me on twitter? After all those months of me helping him lol. But anyway, our relationship was going fine, I don’t recall anything bad happening then. He was caring and loving, etc etc. Unfortunately some people stopped talking me then since we dated.
I made him stop rp’ing, I don’t think anyone would disagree with me about that. I felt uncomfortable with him cybering with random people. I don’t care if it was in character or some shit, why did he think it was ok being in a relationship? It’s almost the same as flirting. So he agreed to stop that, after a while he said he doesn’t care to rp anymore anyway (remember this too).
October 2011 I went to visit him in Bakersfield, it went well. He was basically the same person and everything, we had fun. I’m not sure when it started, but something else was surfacing. His jealousy side. On twitter pretty much became, I have to watch what I say or who I talk to. He would get mad at my followers and what they would tweet to me. Some of these people I’ve been talking to longer than I have him. He wanted me to block them. That was the solution in his mind. Now, he wasn’t following any of these people, he was actively stalking my mentions.
I’ve had a controlling boyfriend before, I started to feel a bit uncomfortable of where this was heading. I didn’t block them or tell them what he wanted me to say. He would then blast them himself, and my followers would be confused and tell him to chill, it was a joke. I didn’t want to lose friends like I did with my first because of my boyfriend. He took this as me “not doing anything”. He didn’t see he was overreacting, and his insecurities would get the best of him. He was on constant fear I would leave him, that alone made the relationship a bit rocky.
The relationship became unhealthy, when I thought it was perfect. I don’t like feeling trapped or being told what to do by someone I’m dating, or being accused of things I’m doing because my boyfriend doesn’t trust or have confidence in me.
I met him again in 2012 at AX, it went ok. But it wasn’t great. He was “too tired” to do most things with me. I felt I spent all that money for nothing, yes he helped pay the hotel. Oh yeah, another crucial thing, he was still at home doing nothing at this point. I brushed it off at the beginning, because I thought he needed a break to recover from everything that happened. He did start taking online classes to finish his college or whatever. Because attending real school would bring out his PTSD symptoms. I was glad he was pushing forward, and he did tell me he was aiming to get a good job and make something of himself. Which I soon learned was just all talk…
So let’s go to Tera, this is the monster he blames for everything. We started playing it together in the summer, and it was fine and cute. After a while I think he got bored of it and didn’t feel like playing anymore. But I still wanted to, he continued to play with me, while not liking it. Eventually he quit all together, but I kept playing… With him gone, I had to start socializing in game, because I had no one else to play with now. I became quite close with guild members. Randall noticed I was playing a lot, more than he liked. So he tried to come back and play with me to compensate. Even though he didn’t want to play the game. It didn’t last long, and he got pissed how the people in the guild were teasing me. He made me leave the guild and we joined another, there were some dumb people on there anyway, so I agreed with it. The new guild felt quite unfriendly, everyone seemed to have their own cliques, but Randall said it’s fine, you just gotta talk and ask. But I never felt really comfortable there. So he stopped playing again, and I was alone in this empty guild. I left it to the other one, full of some childish people but at least they were talkative and friendly.
Going to 2013 now, the game continues to get on Randall’s nerves. As I start to become quite close to my guildies on there, and I have fun talking to them and doing stuff in game. Randall kept telling me to uninstall the stupid game, because I was playing too much and ignoring him. Which wasn’t 100% true, I did try to answer him as fast as I could, it’s not exactly a game where you can pause in battle. I admit I did play a lot, but I tried to still talk to him regardless. He would get upset when we were skyping and I didn’t respond to his questions, when I didn’t hear them while playing. He said I became a zombie playing it. Yes, I admit, I am addicted to it. I tried to quit a few times, but I felt a relapse come, because I missed my guild members.
So what exactly happened? Randall became much more possessive and needy, it really turned me off. He tried everything to make me spend more time with him and not the game, he started watching anime with me. He kept telling me how he waited ALL day for me to get home, and I would just hop on Tera and ignore him. This wasn’t entirely true, I came home and talked to him FIRST thing. I would message him for a while and eat. Then boot up the game or whatever.
He wanted me to talk to him, and only him. But I really had nothing to talk about, he suggested things for us to do, but I wasn’t interested. I was just being honest, I’m not a gamer really. If I play a game, it has to have elements I like in it.
I’ve told my mom about Randall of course, his past and everything. She told me to be careful of such people, they can’t be stable. And she was right, he’s not stable. He could get upset over the littlest things. One of them is not paying attention to him, or replying to him RIGHT AWAY. You can’t take 1-2 mins in responding NOPE. He always felt entitled to have my complete attention.
Here’s why it went down really… I don’t like being confined nor will I take being forced to do something I don’t like. I had this already with my first, and I gained a lot of confidence from getting out of that one. Randall would guilt trip you in everything, he forced you to pity him and just go with it to make him stop whining and make him happy. He never ever understood me truly, how could he, he only thought of himself? I was his life saviour, I was supposed to save him from his family. I was supposed to work my ass off, find us a place and bring him to me. And he expected to find a job, without education or experience. He claims Bakersfield is just shit for that, and it would be better somewhere else. It might of been, I don’t doubt his area sucks, there’s nothing there. But the chances of him getting a job would be slim, if anything he’d get a shitty part time job. Basically it would be up to me to have a good job, so we both can live decently. It was A LOT of pressure for me, and I hated him for it, I hated how he just put that stress on me. That’s why I played the game so much, it helped me relax and talk with people who actually asked about ME. And not talk just about themselves.
Even when I talked about my job or whatever, he never cared. I told him I wanted to get my career going, and he seemed all worried about me quitting because then no money or whatever. It’s like he never wanted me to better myself and be happy with what I’m dong. He NEVER EVER encouraged me to go for the career I wanted in life, NEVER. Without his support, I felt more resentful. I found out Randall wants to be a graphic designer, but I’m not sure he understands he needs to work for that. He showed no interest in getting that going. He was just going to move in with me, and get a part time job and waste time basically.
Going back to the game, the guild master actually has a job in the game industry. So he told me he could help me get my profolio going, and anything I needed. I’m not proud of going along with his flirting, even though at first I tried to ignore and told him to stop, since I had a bf. But he became this supportive and helpful person which Randall never gave me. I felt he actually cared with what I had to say, he wouldn’t randomly talk about stuff I didn’t know like Randall. Me and the guy both have the same goals, and we agreed we could even collaborate. I have a lot more in common with him than Randall I soon discovered.
People can think I cheated, but really this guy was giving me something that Randall never did. With Randall, it was all about him him him. Ask anyone who’s talked to him or met him, they will agree with this. Yes, he does care about his friends and people who are close to him. But he will rarely ask about you, it’s will always be about him, and his music games.
I didn’t uninstall Tera because I didn’t like the idea of something I like doing being taken away. I was tired of being controlled, tired of being told to block people. He was trying to change me the whole time, and he won’t even acknowledge it. He will never agree to being controlling, but ask anyone who’s been in the middle of it, and they will agree.
Hell his “good friends” don’t even like him much, the friend he would message on steam about our relatonship problem, said he was annoying. It just tells you something. But what do you expect? He’s the type to ask openly on twitter for people to give him money or games…
He’s an attention whore, because no one in real life gives a fuck about him. He was clinging onto me to save him, I was his escape. And he hates me for taking it away. He doesn’t care about losing me, he doesn’t give a fuck about that. He just cared that his escape was taken away.
In the end, that’s how it feels. How would you like having the pressure of that with you? I thought I was dating a man, not a child. I felt the relationship wasn’t going to work because what good is a relationship where I am the one giving everything, while he does nothing but play games all day?
He’s not ready for a relationship, period. He needs to get his shit together on his OWN. I tried to help him do this, but he’s just stubborn and pulling it the lazy way. Why should I work so hard, while he just slacks off? It’s not even fair.
I honestly don’t care what he’s saying to people, or copy-pasting in logs. He could of saved our relationship if he tried to think why I was doing these things, if he tried to understand me. Instead of just focusing on himself not getting attention, and I was just an addict. There’s always a reason to WHY people are addicted to things. He wanted me to just shower him with love and attention. He expected I’d be fine with his loving attention. Which I did love, but not getting anything out of it left me feeling stressed and trapped. I felt I had his life, his happiness on my back. My happiness didn’t matter, long as he was. I told him I was depressed many times, but he never seemed to care about that or try to understand that.
He thought me just knowing he loved me was enough to make me happy… And it does help, but it doesn’t help me through the stress of my job or trying to get my career going. Especially when he demanded all of my time to him. It just wasn’t fair, not at all.
I’m sure if he reads this, he will deny everything here. That’s how dense he is, and selfish. He can call me a monster, but he didn’t truly care or help me through my stress, so I had to do it myself. His problems were always more important in the end.
Also I am not playing victim, I admit the lying and hiding things from him weren’t right of me to do. But I still did and do love him regardless, that’s why I tried it again with him. It was good in the beginning, but it soon fell flat once I started doing my own thing again. He never acknowledged why I did it, other than me “being bored of him” and addicted. I cope with stress by indulging myself in things I like doing, and ignoring it. Especially since there was nothing I could do here about it, he wasn’t going to change. Eventually he found out what I was doing with this guy and dumped me.
Of course none of that was right, but who would blame me when this guy actually was giving me the support I needed without asking anything in return? All Randall could say in the end was “how could you do this to me? What did I do to deserve this?”. If he tried to understand me, and help me through my stress and depression it would of worked… Well, I hope this lengthy as hell pastebin explains it. He never gave me a chance to explain, he never cared what I had to say, how I felt, nothing. It was about him, and his happiness, whether he denies it or not. That’s all.
[8:18:40 PM] deviryuu: I c a n t
[8:19:08 PM] deviryuu: Trust me if I could go home I would already be home fapping
[8:23:52 PM] deviryuu: ;>
[8:24:36 PM] Hen: Wat
[8:24:44 PM] deviryuu: Well its true.
[8:25:39 PM] deviryuu: maybe you can help later OHOHOHOH jk ;_;
[8:28:06 PM] deviryuu: w-ewll maybe
[8:30:30 PM] Hen: WhA–well
[8:30:38 PM] deviryuu: well
[8:33:15 PM] deviryuu: ;3
[8:38:44 PM] Hen: ……
[8:38:45 PM] Hen: Well
[8:40:05 PM] deviryuu: Well?
[8:40:53 PM] deviryuu: ~?
[8:45:17 PM] Hen: Well that escalated quickly.
[8:45:28 PM] deviryuu: It hasn’t even!
[8:48:35 PM] deviryuu: deviryuu rubs shoulders.
Perhaps the one constant about public breakups which are subsequently aired in blogs is the incredible, powerful desire people feel to not be labeled “a bad person” by society. I’m not a bad person; she’s a cheater. I’m not a bad person; he’s emotionally unavailable. I have reasons for what I do. I suppose it’s partly because society does sometimes come around and say: You are a bad person – literally, in the case of public arguments like Koji Oe’s. But what society wants is at best tangential to the real issues.
What can the reader conclude from this? What life lesson; what hope for tomorrow? Maybe it’s not so good to try to change others, even for the better. It appears that dogrunes and luneru each tried to change each other – and failed.
In keeping with TMR policy, everything shown here was posted on the public profiles of dogrunes and luneru, and a review of their twitter feed will show that people were actively encouraged to go to these links.